What Is Love? (And Why It Sometimes Hurts)

It’s February—the so-called “month of love.”

And while we could go the romantic route with roses and candlelit vibes… I couldn’t help but hear Haddaway in my head:
“WHAT IS LOVE?! BABY DON’T HURT ME… DON’T HURT ME… NO MORE!”
Cue iconic head bobs from Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan in Night at the Roxbury.

But seriously—what is love?
And why does that song link love so closely with pain?

It makes you wonder:
If love hurts, does that mean it wasn’t real love?

I want to challenge that thought.
Because here’s the truth: sometimes, love does hurt.
And it doesn’t stop being love just because it’s hard.

Love Isn’t Just About the Good Feelings

We often associate love with butterflies, kind words, and romantic gestures—and yes, love in healthy relationships can include all of that.

But authentic love also shows up in the tension.

As Proverbs 27:17 says:

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

How does iron sharpen iron?
Through resistance.
Through pressure.
Through truth-telling that doesn’t always feel easy or soft.

Sometimes love means holding up a mirror.
Sometimes it looks like accountability and growth.
Sometimes it means choosing forgiveness—even when it’s uncomfortable.

Love Should Never Harm

Let’s be clear: There’s a difference between love that supports growth and love that causes emotional damage.

Love isn’t supposed to harm.
If you’re experiencing emotional abuse, manipulation, or control under the name of “love”—that’s not love. Period.

Healthy love—the kind we help clients work toward in relationship counseling or trauma-informed therapy—doesn’t cause fear or shame. It creates safety, dignity, and respect.

And if what you’re experiencing doesn’t feel safe or honoring?

It’s okay to:

• Set boundaries
• Step back
• Seek professional support from a licensed therapist

So… What Is Love?

Let’s anchor in truth, straight from 1 Corinthians 13:4–7:

Love is patient. Love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

That’s not surface-level affection.
That’s rooted, steady, emotionally mature love.

It may not always feel euphoric or flawless—but it’s safe, consistent, and healing. If you’ve experienced relational trauma, toxic patterns, or love that left scars—I see you. But that doesn’t mean you’re broken. And it doesn’t mean you’re unworthy of healthy connection.

There is a kind of love that builds instead of breaks.
That sharpens without harming.
That tells the truth in grace.
That reflects the heart of a God who never stops showing up.

If you’re navigating relationship pain, struggling to trust again, or healing from unhealthy love, our team of licensed therapists is here to support you. We offer Christian counseling, trauma recovery, and relationship therapy—in a safe, compassionate environment.

Start your healing journey.